Routine Pain

I’ve developed a sustained pattern of distress
I call it routine pain
On any given day, I can turn joy to ash
Hand me the wheel of the car so I can crash

I think about the same people everyday
All of my mistakes are available on replay.
I’ll dwell on every bad word I said
And wonder what I really meant.
I wish I could bring the part of me I love back
But he’s a needle in a haystack
Of misery
Of self loathing

This world is not my home
I’m just passing through
Trying to discover
Varying shades of blue

Dolores

Dolores, I’ve been checking my phone everyday
Wondering if you forgot about me
But I’d never forget about you.

I think of you when I listen to Sufjan Stevens
When I listen to Illinois
When I watch Futurama
Or Lemon of Troy

I wonder if it’ll be like this forever
I wonder if I’m the exception that proves the rule
Why couldn’t I have a heart of stone?
Why couldn’t I have the cool?